Susanna Rose Smith

This little girl has been a roller coaster from day one.  I found out I was pregnant with her just two months after I stopped nursing Jake (to be fair, he was 18 months old).  It was a hug surprise and came when we were in the midst of renovations!  To say we were overwhelmed is an understatement.  After several months of adjusting, we were both overjoyed to find out that this little bonus baby was a girl!

As my pregnancy progressed, she measured a week to two weeks behind.  This was new for us, considering I'm used to growing strapping boy chunk babies.  Toward the end of my pregnancy, it was nice because I never felt as huge and miserable as I felt with Ash and Jake.  

The downside of her petite size was that I didn't dilate early like I did with the other kids.  Around 36 weeks I was 2 cm and I sat there until my very last OB visit.  Knowing that, in the past, I'd dilated anywhere from 3 to 5 cm before starting labor, I was feeling so discouraged.  My doctor did a membrane sweep but I was not optimistic it would help.  I was very wrong!

I had a membrane sweep with Eli and had almost no discomfort or bleeding.  This time around, I bled quite a bit and had persistent pain through the night.  The next morning was Wednesday, June 28.  I started the morning weepy and overwhelmed, having some very intense but totally sporadic contractions after a bad nights sleep.  I finally decided to lay down in bed.  I didn't nap but it was a good rest.  After 45 minutes or so, I was having pain even lying down so I got up and puttered around.  

After I got up, I started having intense contractions every 2-4 minutes.  After only three of these, I told Tyler to call his parents and ask them to head out (they live about an hour away).  The intensity built rapidly from there and within minutes I asked him to call our neighbor, who had agreed to come stay with the kids if we needed to leave urgently.

I had a quick talk with TJ reminding him of some things we'd talked about before (helping with Jake, getting lunch items, etc).  Eli and Ash were happily playing a board game and were totally oblivious.  TJ was a little freaked out and Jake was extremely upset, having witnessed an intense contraction during which I was throwing up and making very scary scream noises.

Our friend arrived super fast, which I will forever be grateful for.  We started the drive in and I asked Tyler to call ahead and tell them we were coming and I WANT AN EPIDURAL.  I was hoping that, since it was my fifth, and a small hospital, they would take me seriously and get the anesthesiologist there and ready.  Contractions were so painful, and I really didn't want a repeat of what happened with Eli.

Tyler dropped me off at the hospital entrance and a nurse came over to offer help but I couldn't talk through my contraction.  She brought out a wheelchair and they wheeled me back to the maternity ward.  

I went strait in and the nurse told me that to get the epidural, she just needed to listen to baby, check my cervix, and get an IV in.  Unfortunately, my contractions were so, so painful and I couldn't stand anyone touching me.  She was really nice about waiting until I was between contractions to get me in the bed, but once I got in the bed, I started pushing with contractions and all my hopes and dreams for an epidural went right out the window.  The nurse broke the news and I looked over at Tyler and said, "Not again!"

The next few minutes were the worst, the contractions were so painful and coming so fast.  I labored leaning over the bed and that helped the pain quite a bit, but I couldn't push her out in that position.  There was also lots of crying and "I don't want to do this again" and "Is there anything you can give me for the pain?" (no).  

Eventually I had a break and was able to turn around and lay down.  Pushing that way was way more productive, but my contractions kept shorting out.  I'd push her right up to the precipice and then my contraction would quit and I'd have a minute of down time.  It was so frustrating.  I was completely off my head when the contractions came, it was just completely instinctual.  I had no control over the noises I made, whether I was pushing or not, my body just did it.  In some ways it was a relief when the pushing started because it was beyond my control and the contraction pain eased.

Finally I had a contraction long enough that I was able to push her out, and thankfully, she slipped all the way out.  No second push for shoulders needed.  They put her up on my belly but I was so, so tired and a little bit shocked to see her.  It took me a minute or two to be like, "oh, hey!  My Baby!  You're here!"

She was born at 10:42, weighing 6lbs, 9oz, and 19.5 inches long.  It was around 8:30 when I got out of bed, and I started logging those fast contractions at 9:08, so labor was a pretty quick two hours.  I was not expecting her to be so rapid!  Mentally I had prepared myself for a longer birth since our starting point was only 2 cm.

She was so much smaller than any baby I've had.  She was also more alert - she was awake, squeaking, nursing, waving her arms, for two hours after she was born.  Finally she fell asleep and I did too.

I was very grateful that the staff were incredibly kind.  When I had Eli, nobody listened to what I was asking for, the doctor was really brusque, and it made the whole thing worse.  This time, they listened and were kind and patient.  They let me labor the way I want, and offered suggestions when I realized it wasn't working.  My doctor was so kind when he did my repair.  My nurse stopped monitoring the baby every time I asked (during most contractions).  It made all the difference to feel like they were on my side.  I had some worries about delivering at our small, local hospital.  To be sure, things weren't quite as smooth and seamless as I've seen in bigger units, but I was happy to trade that for a supportive team.

Around 1 in the afternoon, Tyler went home to get the boys and bring them back to meet her.  TJ has been hoping for a sister for years and he has been so excited about her!  He was eager to hold her and just loves her.  It is so sweet.

Ash was also very excited and interested.  Jake was more interested in the good snacks he found in my hospital bag.  He was very sad to see me holding a baby but we made up for it with cheetos and gold fish.

Eli is still mad that he got a sister instead of another brother, but he loves babies and he won't be able to resist for long.  He refused to hold her, but by the end of his visit, he wanted to be as close to her as he could be without actually holding her.

I expected to be discharged the next morning, but as the night went on, Suzie just lost interest in nursing and suckling in general, and by the morning we couldn't get her to eat anything.  Her glucose was down so we spent the day monitoring and doing assisted feeds with a syringe. 

Tyler and TJ came to pick us up from the hospital but since we couldn't go home, they stayed for a little visit.  Tyler and I used the time to settle on her name.

TJ has been suggesting flower names from the beginning.  Rose wasn't his idea, it was Tyler's, but it's definitely a tribute to TJ's early suggestions of "Daffodil" and "Lily."