mistakes

Something happened tonight at the grocery store that made me take a long, hard look at my parenting.

TJ dropped some eggs.

But there is more to it than that.  TJ has reached an age where sitting in the cart is no longer tolerable for him.  For the most part, this is ok, because he is exceptionally well behaved and follows me closely.  He likes to help pick groceries and put them in the cart by himself.  I try encourage his budding independence.

Tonight, TJ had followed me faithfully around the store.  I came to an isle where I was searching and searching to find what I needed.  TJ was growing impatient, so I decided to put him in the cart so he wouldn't run off while I finished looking.

I had the eggs in the toddler seat.  Two dozen.  So I grabbed one dozen and moved them to the basket, and TJ followed suit and grabbed the other dozen to help me move them to the cart.  I know that's what he was doing because he is helpful by nature, he just wants to do what I do.

BUT.  He grabbed the top of the carton, so it flipped and all of the eggs dropped out onto the cart and floor.  And I was MAD.  I scolded him and mumbled and grumbled until we finally got someone to mop it up.  

When TJ saw the mess, he innocently pointed and said, "Uh-oh!" He knew he'd messed up.  He didn't need me to tell him.  Even more, he tried to clean it up (but because it was raw eggs I told him not to touch it instead!).

Here  is what I realized after it was over: I can't punish him for trying to help!  What does that teach him?  He made a mistake.  I make mistakes all the time and nobody punishes me.  I expect TJ and Eli to be forgiving when I make mistakes.  Shouldn't I extend the same courtesy to them?  Besides, a few eggs never hurt anyone and the store refused payment for them so, literally, no harm done.

I wanted to put this here, on my blog, so in a year or two when I read through my posts I can remember that children make mistakes.  Children have bad days.  They are people too.  But they are super great people. TJ is such a good person.  He is friendly and happy and SO helpful.  He helped carry in the groceries when we got home!

So, self, remember this.

Remember when you were nursing Eli and TJ emptied the dryer for you.

Remember how he LOVES to put away dishes.

Remember how he asks to cook and set the table every night.

Remember that he has good intentions.

Remember how when he spills, he gets a rag out of the drawer and wipes it up.

Remember how, earlier that same shopping trip, he knocked over a loofa and some cerial boxes.  Both times he picked them up and put them back.

Remember how he wanted you to paint his toenails, too, so he could be like you.

Remember that your kids watch you.